I’d been struggling trying to find the words to express why I’ve been missing for the last month, and part of it’s been because I always want my blog to stay honest and true to myself, and for it to truly reflect what’s happening in my life. I struggled so hard that I actually tried to make a video for you guys, because I thought it’d be easier! Joke’s on me though, most of my videos ended up with screen grabs like this because I couldn’t take myself seriously (how do youtubers DO that??):
I know I could’ve posted recipes and DIYs as if nothing happened, but it wouldn’t have been real if I skipped over the important parts, ya know? In reality, a week after my NYC mishap, someone broke into my apartment by crawling through my window and robbed me. Frankly, it messed me up a bit. Not only did I lose my laptop with irreplaceable pictures, I lost my sense of security in a place that was once my own. I’ve definitely developed some sort of anxiety as well where every unfamiliar creak sends me spiraling into a panic that someone who doesn’t belong is trying to get in, and I can’t sleep unless I’ve triple checked my doors (and even then, it’s not always the soundest).
Within the mess of trying to find the proper words to share everything with you all, this past Saturday I realized: despite this being one of the most trying times I’ve dealt with, I haven’t had a drink in one month. Maybe that doesn’t seem like much, but for someone who works in two industry jobs and generally hangs out in bars or clubs (most of my friends are industry too), it’s a feat. For someone who does the aforementioned while enduring effects of intense street harassment and a traumatic break in, during one of the busiest months of my life, I’d say it’s a test of my own willpower and strength.
I’ve never struggled with alcoholism, but I’d say that it’s natural for people to want to numb themselves to what’s going on around them when life gets hard, ya know?
I had wanted to write to you about how I was able to handle the struggle of this month by allowing myself to truly feel my emotions, and the realization that I made it through everything without alcohol only solidifies my thoughts.
I’m a firm believer that the only way that someone can make it past a hard situation is by allowing themselves to be fully immersed in their emotions, so that they can familiarize themselves with what’s causing pain, only to break away the negative hold and instead become empowered. While I wouldn’t say I’m completely over everything that’s been going on, I’d say by putting faith in myself that I’m strong enough to handle whatever comes my way, I know I’ll be fine.
At any rate, I’ve saged the hell out of my place (and my person, because DANG if I didn’t have some rough right hooks coming from life for a minute), and I’m looking forward to moving onward/upward/everywhere but down. The only person who can stop me from flourishing is me, and I’m ready to shed that month of September struggle and get back on track with you guys.