how to fake confidence (till you make it) + a GIVEAWAY!

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter! 4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!A few weeks ago now was my 4 year anniversary of moving to Philadelphia. It’s been a wild ride, and also kind of rad reflecting on not only how much my life has changed since moving to the city, but how much I’ve changed as a person. I’ve been pretty fortunate to find the company of some of the best movers and shakers in this city, and I myself have grown into a fairly confident, independent person. It might come as a surprise to my current social circle, but that person is actually someone I’m still getting to know.

I spent most of my life being the awkward introvert, and it wasn’t till a crappy breakup forced me to reflect and realize I didn’t have to stay that way. There was nothing inherently wrong with the “old” me, but I suffered from the kind of crippling social anxiety that lets you get all dressed up only to wait (in the car, outside the event). You know how some people seem like they’re born confident, with that je ne sais quoi that commands a room? I wanted a fraction of that, and either had to figure it out on my own, or continue through life hugging the dang wall.

Even though I came into Philly often to party, moving into the city was a fresh start. I swan dove at the opportunity to find my voice with people who didn’t fully know the awkward me, and frankly: it worked. Sure, I feel shy sometimes, but I’ve never felt more sure of myself. In celebration of my 4 years in this city that helped me blossom, I’m sharing my four suggestions on how to build your own confidence, and a giveaway to give you that extra oomph.

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!

1. fake it till you make it

This is one of my absolute favorite things to suggest to people for a myriad of scenarios, but especially for building social confidence. Fake it till you make it. Build up a persona in your head, and commit.

I have a nickname that friends have been calling me since high school, so when I moved to Philadelphia, it was easy to start “faking”. I made a character in my head of what I thought this nickname’s personality was like: outgoing, confident, outspoken, strong, and so on. She was the type of girl who stood up for herself and took no shit. When I went out, I’d ask myself “How would she behave??” and did just that. Eventually it became like muscle memory, and I wasn’t pretending to be that girl; I just was this girl.

To do this yourself, pick your own characteristics, then work on embodying them. What do you want to be? If it’s easier, nickname those characteristics (I only found it easier, because I wanted to be someone not me at the time). Walk with your shoulders back, head up, and your chin forward. As time passes, you’ll find it easier to truly be the confident person you’re faking being, because you won’t be faking. Just be careful what you fake, because you really will become what you pretend to be.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.Click To Tweet

2. assertive vs. narrative

One of the first things Gary John Bishop covers in his book Unf*ck Yourself is that you need to look at how you talk to yourself. Rather than using narrative self-talk that’s directed in the future such as “I will be more confident this month” or “I will become great at this”, use assertive self-talk saying “I am confident” or “I am great”. When you make that slight change, it alters your perception of yourself.

Instead of working toward something in the future, you force yourself to start believing that you already are and already doing these things. It forces you to take ownership of your life in the moment, and as such, start to take control over your life. Changes truly start inward.

Changing how you talk to yourself can change how you perceive yourself. I am, not I will.Click To Tweet

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!3. know yourself

I think there’s two types of confident people: the person who is perceived to be confident because they’re loud, and the person who is truly comfortable in their own skin. People will notice both, but the second one is who I strive to be.

Being showy is a defense mechanism that animals have used since the beginning of time. The animal that’s the flashiest, loudest, or meanest is seen as something predators don’t want to mess with. When people behave in that manner, it tends to come from a place of fear. There’s nothing wrong with cracking a joke, but when you learn to feel comfortable with yourself, you won’t need to flash that dang peacock tail.

I understand that it’s not always easy to get to know yourself, but it’s really one of the most beneficial steps to building confidence. The only way to “defeat an enemy” (or in this case, whatever is holding your confidence back) is by knowing them. Look at your quirks, your thoughts, the things you like, and the things you consider limitations. Pick apart what you know and put it back together. This is who you are, and when you become comfortable with that, it’ll shine through everything you do.

This is who you are, and when you become comfortable with that, it'll shine through everything you do.Click To Tweet

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!4. stop feeding awkwardness

I recently read the Tony Robbins quote “where focus goes, energy flows”, and that’s super relevant here. The places you direct your attention are the things that will thrive. That means, if all you can think about is how awkward you feel, look, or think you are, then that’s exactly what you’re going to become.

Starting to recognize your negative thoughts when they pop up can help you fix that. To help you pinpoint the problem, know that intrusive thought patterns flow from two places: dwelling in the past, or fear of the future. Once you can see that, you can redirect your mind away from the thoughts on being awkward toward more assertive language, telling yourself you are brave, and you are confident.

Know that intrusive thought patterns flow from two places: dwelling in the past, or fear of the future.Click To Tweet

Related post: Tips For Living Your Best

4 tips on how you can build up your confidence and become a stronger, more self-assured person, AND a #giveaway to help you get there! Click through to read and enter!(affiliate links featured, see disclosure)

And now, the fun part!

I’m going to be giving the two books above, You Are A Badass and Unfu*k Yourself, to one lucky winner to help them on their journey toward building their confidence! These are two of my fave self-help books, and I can’t wait to see them help someone else!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Rules: Use Rafflecopter form to enter. Giveaway will end 11/25. Only open to U.S. or Canada this time, sorry! Winner will be announced here and notified via email.

15 Comments

  1. Sarah November 17, 2017 / 1:54 pm

    Love this so much 💘

  2. Jolene November 17, 2017 / 4:41 pm

    I’m almost done reading “ You are a badass” and I’m loving it! Great giveaway.

  3. Sheila Joy November 17, 2017 / 7:32 pm

    First of all, how are you so cool?! Second of all…I love all your words of wisdom here. Especially creating a character for yourself to mimic! I’ve been wanting to read You Are a Badass for a while now. Although I’m pretty confident, I still get anxiety when I go places by myself…I always feel SO vulnerable!

    http://www.insearchofsheila.com

  4. Jenny November 17, 2017 / 8:45 pm

    Over the years I’ve gotten a bit less awkward myself haha. I’m still not the most comfortable in social situations but I am leaps and bounds better than I used to be.

  5. La Belle Sirene November 18, 2017 / 1:33 pm

    Confidence is definitely not something that has come easily to me and I still struggle with it but I have gotten so much better at faking it.

  6. Matthew Harris November 18, 2017 / 2:41 pm

    Yooo this post speaks to me! I was always shy but a weird combo of extroverted and introverted and I never felt comfortable in my own skin.. UNTIL I moved to Lancaster for school and got to reinvent myself. There were some stumbles along the way but it taught me a lot about myself and I indeed faked it till I made it lol. I love this post and can’t wait to see more. You always have good posts though!

  7. Samantha November 18, 2017 / 3:05 pm

    This post is fantastic. I struggle with anxiety and have never had the type of confidence I’ve admired others for having. There are some instances where I can pull myself out of that funk but in new situations its always there and I always dwell on it. Like you said though, that can only feed that part of me and faking til you make it is a sure way to beat that. It’s not necessarily faking who you are as a person but focusing and putting more positive energy into the type of person you want to be.

  8. Ashley Falbo November 18, 2017 / 5:06 pm

    I love this post Kate! As you already know, I read. All the time. And I have been wanting to read You Are a Badass forever. And I can always use a little confidence booster, especially with my heightened anxiety lately and recent job change that requires me to travel (solo) a lot and talk to people day in and day out! I love what you said about being comfortable in your skin and embracing your quirks and not just being the loudest person in the room. From wallflower to sunflower, my dear! Great stuff!

  9. shfleming1984 November 19, 2017 / 6:22 pm

    Fake it until you make it has been my motto since I was a teenager. It has helped give me the confidence to try new things, take risks and step out of my shell! I am so glad that I carry this with me; I have had some truly great experiences because I was “faking” it!!

  10. Sarah Belanger November 20, 2017 / 12:59 pm

    I never thought of the difference between assertive and narrative. Great idea!!

  11. Karyn Allen November 20, 2017 / 2:49 pm

    Such a great post!!! I’ve been doing the “fake it til you make it” thing for as long as I can remember. Only way I could project anything but my very real and very crippling anxiety when I needed to be a functioning human, and didn’t want to risk people’s condemnation, condescension or disappointment when I’m not “up to par”! It was easier to fake it. Then after a while, it was second nature and basically natural instinct! But that anxiety comes in waves and tsunamis and that’s what I’m still working on, so I think the books you mentioned would be great in that regard!

  12. ali November 20, 2017 / 6:24 pm

    Great post would love to read these books!

  13. TheSterlingTraveler November 21, 2017 / 12:55 am

    Great post and great giveaway. I really hope I win. “Fake it ’til you make it” is easier said than done.

  14. Sam November 24, 2017 / 9:48 pm

    I have always suffered with low self confidence. My older sister is a skinny blonde with an awesome outgoing personality. Beautiful. and no one let me forget that we were opposites my entire life lol. I have been in not just one but two bad relationships. I am turning my life around. I am a single mom and you have to be strong these days to pull it off !

  15. Heidi November 24, 2017 / 10:48 pm

    Loooove this

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